Some things, lately, have stopped returning my calls.

A small collection of objects that do.

Read on ↓
§01 · THE POSITION · APRIL 2026

You will come*. Or you will get your money back.

Sixty days. Cash refund. In writing. No store credit. No replacement substitution. Eight products, one guarantee, one published outcome.

* The correct spelling didn’t pass Meta’s content review.

See the catalogue → Read the proof
§02

The position.

huxi makes eight products. Each one has one job. Each one comes with the same sixty-day guarantee. If you don’t reach orgasm using it, return it within sixty days and we send back your full purchase price, in cash, to the same card. Not store credit. Not a replacement. Your money, back.

No competitor at any tier offers this. We checked.

We checked. See the table →
§03 · THE CATALOGUE · EIGHT PRODUCTS · ONE GUARANTEE

Eight different products.
One identical job.

§05 · CATALOGUE · HUXI

One Hot Bunny

£47 · PRICED IN GBP
WATERPROOFIPX6
NOISE≤50 DB
VIBRATION10 MODES
HEAT40°C
BATTERY120 MIN
CHARGE120 MIN
CHARGINGUSB
60-DAY ORGASM GUARANTEE
One Hot Bunny
§05 · CATALOGUE · HUXI

Sucking Sweet

£52 · PRICED IN GBP
WATERPROOFIPX7
NOISE≤50 DB
VIBRATION5 MODES
SUCTION9 MODES
REMOTEINCLUDED
BATTERY60 MIN
CHARGE90 MIN
CHARGINGMAGNETIC
60-DAY ORGASM GUARANTEE
Sucking Sweet
§05 · CATALOGUE · HUXI

Flick

£54 · PRICED IN GBP
WATERPROOFIPX7
NOISE≤50 DB
VIBRATION10 MODES
HEAT40°C
FLICKING3 SPEEDS
REMOTEINCLUDED
BATTERY60 MIN
CHARGE90 MIN
CHARGINGUSB
60-DAY ORGASM GUARANTEE
Flick
§05 · CATALOGUE · HUXI

Love Loop

£52 · PRICED IN GBP
WATERPROOFIPX7
NOISE≤50 DB
VIBRATION10 MODES
BATTERY45 MIN
CHARGE120 MIN
CHARGINGUSB
60-DAY ORGASM GUARANTEE
Love Loop
§05 · CATALOGUE · HUXI

Multi-Mini

£125 · PRICED IN GBP
WATERPROOFIPX7
NOISE≤45 DB
VIBRATION10 MODES
CONFIGURATIONS4 SLEEVES + CORE
BATTERY90 MIN
CHARGE90 MIN
CHARGINGUSB
60-DAY ORGASM GUARANTEE
Multi-Mini
§05 · CATALOGUE · HUXI

Kur’s Egg

£130 · PRICED IN GBP
WATERPROOFIPX6
NOISE≤50 DB
VIBRATION10 MODES
SUCTION10 MODES
HEAT40°C
BATTERY60 MIN
CHARGINGUSB
60-DAY ORGASM GUARANTEE
Kur’s Egg
§05 · CATALOGUE · HUXI

Leda

£130 · PRICED IN GBP
WATERPROOFIPX6
NOISE≤50 DB
VIBRATION10 MODES
HEAT40°C
BATTERY60 MIN
CHARGINGUSB
60-DAY ORGASM GUARANTEE
Leda
§05 · CATALOGUE · HUXI

Thunder & Lightning

£144.44 · PRICED IN GBP
WATERPROOFIPX6
NOISE≤50 DB
VIBRATION10 MODES
SUCTION10 MODES
HEAT40°C
EMS7 LEVELS
BATTERY60 MIN
CHARGINGUSB
60-DAY ORGASM GUARANTEE
Thunder & Lightning
§04 · CORRESPONDENCE · CHARLIE’S COLUMN
Read all →
A white egg-shaped object on a slate-blue painted hall table, beside a ceramic dish holding keys and coins, a folded umbrella, tan leather gloves and a straw hat, in cool natural light.
CHARLIE · ON NO REASON

I bought Sarah an egg.

On buying a friend a Kur’s Egg, the lie that lets a gift be given, and the one-word text that said everything back.

— Charlie · 02.06.2026 · Read more →
A wooden table with keys, a folded magazine, and a small dish, set against a magnolia wall with chipped paint.
CHARLIE · ON FORTY-EIGHT

I have begun to assess walls.

On a profile in the Marina, the wall that was paler in Devon, and the question of which wall, exactly, is mine.

— Charlie · 24.05.2026 · Read more →
Evening kitchen scene with lamp, wine glass, papers, phone and toaster on a wooden surface.
CHARLIE · IN MAY

He has gone to Halfords. I waited. She did not elaborate.

On a friend marking GCSE papers with her shoes still on, a husband who has gone to Halfords, and a bar that is, I now understand, low.

— Charlie · 16.05.2026 · Read more →